Around October last year I started going to the gym, trying to eat healthier, and overall just make some positive changes in my life. For a while everything was good, I was losing weight, I felt like I had more energy, I was even buying smaller pant sizes.
Then the Thanksgiving/Christmas Holidays hit… I was laid off for 2 weeks, back on for a couple then off again. I ended finding excuses not to make it to the gym, or why letting my eating habits go just one day wouldn’t matter; a month and a half later I had not only gained the weight back, but I was heavier than when I originally started. Talk about demoralizing, my self confidence was drowning, and I couldn’t even recognize it. I just made excuses on how I would start working out tomorrow, or come up with reasons to justify myself instead of admitting there was a problem.
Then March 17th, 2009 I was kind of broadsided by two different friends I hadn’t seen for a while. The first, Lee had been around when I started working out originally and had lost 25lbs. He unintentionally pointed out that I had gained it all back, to be honest he pretty much just called me fat directly to my face. While his delivery definitely did nothing to spare my feelings it was a wake up call. I was hurt for a minute, but I also realized this was something I had done, had been doing to myself all along.
My 2nd friend Brian I hadn’t seen for at least 3 years , probably longer, and as we sat and caught up of course we returned to old times, and growing up together. This is when Brian kinda surprised me with his observations of our past. You see there used to be a gang of about 10-12 of us that would always hang out at the apartment and play cards or watch movies, play video games… and no matter what we did I seemed to be the one who always ended up single. Brian was baffled by this because with the exception of 1 or 2 others I was descent looking, I was one of the only guys with a steady job, car, and place of my own, and the kicker more than half the time I was the one who invited them over. Some how I became their friend (the proverbial nice guy) while my friends dated them. Brian basically told me I was too nice.
While all that may have been true, I have come to realize back then I had let my negative perceptions of myself overshadow all the positive things I had going for me. Instead of embracing what I had and utilizing it, I let everyone around me reap the rewards instead. Fast forward to today…
I have been back in the gym for almost a month, and while my weight isn’t dropping as fast as I’d like I can definitely see the results when I look in the mirror, but even more amazing is watching my mentality change while I am doing it. My confidence is growing in leaps and bounds, I don’t suffer approach anxiety the same way I would before, and I am definitely pushing myself out of my comfort zone more often. Still, I am the same person I was a month ago. It really makes me wonder why the perception of ourselves make us so insecure? I should say why we allow our perception of ourselves to make us feel so insecure. Everyone has different insecurities, mine is my weight, for others it can be anything from love, control, perfection, to future dreams. There is no wrong answer to the question just a realization that in the end we control our attitudes, our minds, and ultimately our fears and insecurities… I am not gonna let my fears be the deciding vote for my decisions anymore.
So here’s my challenge… go out and find one thing in the next week you wouldn’t normally do, and do it anyway!
I am gonna blog about mine, hopefully you’ll leave me comments about yours, I’d love to hear them!
